Know Your Stars The Fruits Basket Way!
by Lady-of-Icy-Twilight
Summary: It's Know Your Stars with Fruits Basket characters. Hence the title. Kyo goes first!
1. Kyo

Me: Hi people! I'm Aysel! This is Bob the Panguin! Bob say hi!

Bob: I don't wanna! (Starts crying)

Me: (Pats Bob's head) You don't have to unless… (Pulls out chainsaw) you want to die! MUHAHAHA!

Bob: (Glumly) Hi. You're mean Aysel!

Me: Thanks Bob! Now for the disclaimer! I'll have Kyo do it! YAY Kyo!

Kyo: Aysel AKA: Lady-of-Icy-Twilight owns nothing.

Me: I wished I owned Kyo! (Glomps Kyo)

Kyo: Get the hell off of me!

Me: (Stops glomping Kyo) You're mean!

Bob: And the voice will be bold. The victim's voice will be in italics.

Me: ON WITH THE STORY! (Glomps Kyo again in extreme happiness)

Q-Q

Everything was going fine in Shigure Sohma's house. Tohru was cooking breakfast. Kyo was unusually silent. Yuki was still sleeping and Shigure was drinking coffee.

"G' morning Yuki! "Tohru said as Yuki came into the kitchen, "Did you sleep well?"

"Not too well Honda-San." Yuki replied, "You should finish breakfast."

"Of course." Tohru said cheerfully. Tohru finished making breakfast and everyone ate it. Yuki, Kyo and Tohru began walking to school.

The three stopped walking. In front of them was a white portal.

"What's that?" Tohru asked.

"A portal, go in it stupid cat." Yuki answered. Kyo looked at him like he was crazy but was pushed in by Yuki.

Q-Q

Kyo somehow ended up in a circular room. Stage lights were above him. In the center of the room was a chair. Kyo decided to investigate it. After five minutes of investigation he sat in it.

**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…**

_What the hell?_

**Kyo Sohma…picks his nose when no one is looking.**

_No I don't! Who are you? Where the hell am I?_

**(sigh) Your in my evil lair where I will annoy you to death. Like that's hard.**

_Huh? _Looks around, sees no one and jams finger up nose quickly.

**SEE! SEE! You do pick your nose! (does happy dance)**

_Err…What the hell do you mean?_

**You're dense aren't you?**

_Yum, booger taste good! _Eats more boogers.

**(shudders) Kyo Sohma…doesn't really hate Yuki. In fact he's in love with him!**

_WTF! I HATE THAT DAMN RAT!_

**Liar! I saw your room! It's covered with Yuki pictures and I happen to know that you joined the Prince Yuki fan club! **

_Show proof!_

**Fine I will! **A picture drops down on a string. It's a picture of a bedroom covered in Yuki pictures. Most of the room is pink. **See that's your room!**

_My bedroom isn't pink._

**Uhh…well I have more proof! **Another picture drops down. Kyo looks at it. It's all the fan girls of Yuki at a meeting wearing girl's uniforms. One girl has a picture of Kyo's head taped on it.

_I don't wear a girl's uniform. _Taped Kyo head alls to the ground. _And there's that fallen picture of my head that you taped on. SO HA I DON'T LOVE YUKI!_

**sweat begins falling off face Umm…Kyo Sohma's…umm…hair isn't real! Yeah! He's really bald! It's a wig he's wearing!**

_WHAT THE HELL? MY HAIR IS SO REAL! _Tugs on hair. _See it doesn't fall off!_

**You super glued your wig on!**

_NO I DIDN'T! _Razor comes down on string. It shaves Kyo's hair off. Kyo does a girly scream.

**Now you're bald! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

_You're mean! PLEASE LET ME LEAVE!_

**Now you know Kyo Sohma! Nose picking, booger eating, Yuki loving, wig wearing, bald male Yuki fan boy. **

They don't know me!

**You can leave now! Bye-bye Kyo-kun! **White portal appears an Kyo leaves through it.

Q-Q

Kyo: You're mean! You made me bald!

Me: I'll fix your hair if you let me glomp you and you make people review!

Kyo: Anything for my hair! (I glomp Kyo and magically fix his hair.)

Bob: Aysel your choking Kyo stop glomping him!

Me: Okay Bob! (Stops glomping Kyo)

Kyo: YAY HAIR!

Me: Kyo make people review by telling them that they'll get a cookie if they do!

Kyo: Review and Aysel will give you a cookie!

Me: And you get to glomp Kyo! YAY GLOMPING!

Kyo: You never said they could do that! No more glomping!

Bob: I'll go get the tranquilizer. (Runs off)

Kyo: Who's next?

Me: I think Yuki should go next!

Kyo: YAY! THE DAMN RAT WILL GET TORTURED!

Bob: (Comes back holding tranquilizer)Finally I get to shot Aysel!(Shots me)

Me: Cookie! (Goes unconscious)

Kyo: Finally!

Bob: See ya next time and if you can please leave suggestions in your reviews!


	2. Yuki

Me: Hi everyone! I'm typing this because I can't fall asleep and I aplogize about the long wait for an update.

Bob: (Sarcastically) Poor you.

Kyo: Take sleeping pills.

Me: YOU'RE BRILLANT KYO! (Glomps Kyo)

Kyo: (After I stop glomping him) it's late at night yet she can still find the energy to glomp me.

Bob: That's amazing!

Me: Kyo do the disclaimer! (Hands Kyo paper to read off of)

Kyo: Aysel owns nothing except…I'm not reading this.

Me: Why?

Kyo: Because you don't own me!

Me: Damn you caught on to my plan!

Kyo: What the hell is wrong with you?

Me: Hehehehehehehehehehehe!

Bob and Kyo: What the hell?

Me: I feel giggly! Hehehe! (Eye starts twitching)

Kyo: Bob go get the straitjacket.

Bob: (Makes straitjacket appear) Aysel stay still or I'll get the tranquilizer! (I stand still and Bob puts the straitjacket on me)

Kyo: We should out her in one of those soft yellow rooms.

Me: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bob: Yeah. (Bob throws me in a nice comfy, padded yellow room)

Kyo: Let's go on with the story while Aysel recuperates.

Q-Q

Yuki and Tohru watched Kyo run out of the portal. He was bald and sobbing. Yuki stared blankly. While Tohru ran over to the sobbing Kyo.

"What could have scared him so much?" Yuki wondered. He walked into the portal of his own free will.

Q-Q

Yuki was in the same room as Kyo. He shrugged at the emptiness of the room. He walked to the center and sat in the chair.

**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…**

_O.o_

**Yuki Sohma…wears women's underwear including a bra!**

_You're kidding right?_

**Nope.**

_I don't wear women's underwear and why would I need a bra?_

**Because…you're really a woman! **

_Do I look like a woman to you?_

**Yes. Yuki Sohma…Hahahahahahaha!**

_What's funny?_

**This picture! HAHAHAHAHA!**

_Of what?_

**What you did last night! HAHAHAHAHAHA!**

_How did you get that picture?_

**Err…Internet.**

_Really…_Rolls eyes.

**Yes I did. Want to see?**

_Uhh…sure._ Poofs up to my special secret room. Girly scream could be heard.

**Opsies! Wrong picture!**

_Really wrong! _The picture shows Kyo in a mini skirt and halter top that was really taken.

**To think I thought that Ritsu was cross dresser. I'm learning so much!**

Sucking thumb in a fetal position. _I'll have nightmares for weeks._

**Yuki Sohma…sucks his thumb. The proof is right there, you can't deny it Yuki!**

_Please let me go home! _

**Yuki Sohma…thinks that Tohru is a slut!**

_I DON'T THINK THAT HONDA-SAN IS A SLUT!_

**Deny it all you want but you know it's true! Yuki Sohma…EATS BABIES!**

_No I don't! _Coughs up a baby leg. **Err...**

**OMG YOU REALLY DO EAT BABIES! EVERYONE DON'T LET YUKI NEAR YOU'RE KIDS!**

_IT'S CANDY!_

**Really?**

_Of course it is!_

**I DON'T BELIEVE YOU! BABY EATER! **

_(sighs) Can I leave now I have things to do?_

**Yeah like go eat babies! I'm calling the cops on you! **Calls police.

_I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL! _Two cops come in and drag Yuki into their police car.

**Bye-bye baby eater!**

I'LL GET MY REVENAGE ON YOU! YOU EVIL VOICE!

**Now you know Yuki Sohma. Women's underwear wearing, I know what he did last night, thumb sucking, thinks Tohru's a slut, baby eating man lady! **Police drive away with Yuki screaming to be let out. One guy pulls out a tranquilizer and shots Yuki.

Q-Q

Me: I finally got out of that straightjacket!

Kyo: How Aysel did it we may never know.

Bob: Aysel seizes to amaze us.

Me: I feel special!

Kyo: HAHA! The damn rat wears ladies underwear!

Bob: I think Aysel exaggerated there.

Me: No I didn't!

Bob: (Rolls eyes) Really?

Me: Of course I didn't exaggerate!

Kyo: I want a cookie!

Me: Here ya go Kyo! (Hands cookie to Kyo)

Bob: Can I have a cookie?

Me: NO!

Bob: You're mean! (Pouts)

Me: MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! If you want a cookie review! Before I forget XxxtrappedxxX, SakuraRibbons and Moon in Pisces get cookies for reviewing!

Bob: (mutters) Luckys.


	3. Tohru

Me: Hiya everyone! Sorry about the long wait for an update!

Bob: Where were you?

Me: Took a vacation to Canada!

Bob: Lucky…

Me: (Sticks tongue out)

Kyo: It was heaven while you were gone!

Me: Heavens over now.

Kyo: Dammit!

Me: Muhahahahahahahaha! I don't own squat so no suing okay? Anyways all you'd get would be a couple pennies and a ball of lint. TIME TO MAKE FUN OF TOHRU!

Q-Q

While Tohru was comforting the bald Kyo, Yuki poofed up out of nowhere. He was in a straight jacket laughing manically. Kyo stopped crying and started laughing at Yuki. Tohru started to panic thinking a fight might start. Tohru stopped she was hearing a voice in her head.

"You're next! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The voice laughed. Tohru popped out an eh and was pushed an invisible force into the white portal.

Q-Q

Tohru looks around empty and takes a seat in the center of the room and lights center on her.

**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…**

Looks around frantically. _Where am I?_

**Tohru Honda…she's not really that nice not to bright girl we all know, she actually plans on taking over the world with her army of rabid monkeys!**

_RABID MONKEYS! WHERE? MY MOM ALWAYS TOLD ME TO STAY AWAY FROM RABID MONKEYS!_

**There are no rabid monkeys. As I already mentioned Tohru is not the sharpest crayon in the box.**

_Crayons! Where! My Mom always told me that-_

**Enough with your mother! **

_My Mom always said that-_

**SHUT THE HELL UP! He he I sound like Kyo!**

_Please listen my Mom's advice will help you! She always said that-_

**You leave me no choice Tohru Honda!**

_My Mom always said that we had lots of choices! _Giant glue stick lowers itself before Tohru. Tohru tries to start babbling about her Mom but the glue stick seals her mouth shut.

**That should shut you up for awhile!**

Muffled words.

**Tohru Honda…lost her virginity to her Mom! You are sick Tohru Honda! **

Breaks seal of glue. _I didn't sleep with my Mom!_

**Tohru Honda…killed her Mom after she slept with her! YOU THITHY FIEND!**

_HOW COULD I KILL MOM! _Sobs uncontrollably

**You scare me Tohru Honda.**

_Now I scare you and I killed my Mom!_

**Tohru Honda…caused Yuki to go mad! That's why he's in a straight jacket! You are more evil than I thought!**

_POOR POOR YUKI AND IT'S MY FAULT TOO!_

**I'm bored with you so I'm sending you home.**

Still sobbing.

**Now you know Tohru Honda! The not so brightest bulb in the package, plans on taking over the world with rabid monkeys, obsessed with her Mother who she slept with and killed caused Yuki to go insane girl.** Tohru disappears in the midst of her sobbing.

Q-Q

Me: Tohru scares me.

Kyo: Me too.

Bob: Same here.

Me: I'm gonna have nightmares for weeks.

Bob: Who's going next?

Shigure: (Pops out of no where) ME!

Kyo: What the hell!

Bob: Why's he here?

Me: I'm lost. He's going next though.

Bob: Yet more nightmares for you.

Me: See ya people.


	4. Shigure

Me: Hiya everyone!

Bob: …

Kyo: …

Shigure: (Talking to self about high school girls)

Bob: He's sick.

Me: Kyo! Sic the hentai dog!

Kyo: Huh?

Me: Oh yeah! He is a cat and cats do not respond to sic, dogs do! Okay then! Kyo go beat the shit out of the hentai dog and I'll give you catnip! I like catnip!

Kyo: Catnip?

Me: How about fish?

Kyo: He's dead! (Starts beating Shigure up)

Me: Oh wait! I need Shigure for this chapter! (Kyo stops hitting Shigure) Okay let's start the chappie! Oh yes! The underlined text belongs to the voice talking as the puppet of Ayame.

Q-Q

Shigure was trying to sleep but couldn't. The reason was because he kept hearing a voice in his head. It was just like Tohru had before she went to the evil voice but of course Shigure didn't know that. The voice was saying, "Okay I did Kyo Sohma, Yuki Sohma and I just finished with Tohru Honda. Your next Shigure! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Shigure was not sure about what to do with this voice. He figured he was just delusional but to be safe he should go see a doctor in other words he should make Hatori come to his place. He got up form his bed and started walking toward the phone. Just when he picked it up he heard the voice say, "Your turn is now Shigure! Hope ya enjoy yourself, well you won't but I will!" With those words a portal appeared next to him and sucked him up.

Q-Q

Shigure falls out of the portal and looks around his new surroundings. He spends five minutes just looking around before deciding to sit in the chair in the center of the room.

**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…**

_You sound familiar…where have I heard this voice before?_

**Think on it.**

_Oh yeah! You sound like voice that was in my head!_

**I was the voice in your head. God you're almost as slow as Tohru.**

_How could I be as slow as Tohru? That's virtually impossible!_

**Yes that is impossible. Shigure Sohma…secretly cheats on Ayame with Yuki! You're almost as sick as Tohru!**

_I have a few things to say! First I would never ever cheat on Ayame! Second how did you know about me and Yuki? Third no one could ever be as sick as Tohru. I mean she slept with then killed her Mom! And last…do you have a mint?_

…

_I have awfully appalling breath._

**No I do not have a mint and I'm telling Ayame you're cheating on him with his brother!**

_NO! PLEASE DON'T TELL AYAME!_

**To late he's here! **A doll that shows little resemblance to Ayame that is obviously on strings 'walks' out. **I've already told him all about you!**

_Ayame looks kind of different._

**Err…he's the same Ayame you know. It's not like he's a puppet or anything…Hehehe. **(Starts sweating)

I can't believe you cheated on me Shigure! The voice sounds high pitched and squeaky.

_Ayame I'm sorry but your brother and you are both so…nice._

**You really are a sick hentai Shigure.**

_Please forgive me Ayame! _Shigure hugs the Ayame puppet and it falls apart at his touch.

_Was that really Ayame?_

**Umm…yeah. Shigure Sohma…(yawn)…**

_Is the voice sleeping?_

…**hates high school girls…**

_That is so not true! I love them and their short skirts! Hehehe!_

…**and…reads porn… **

_I only have one stack of magazines under my bed!_

…**and…sneaks into Tohru's baths to get pictures of her bathing.**

_I only did it (counts fingers) six times._

**You disgust me Shigure so you're going home. Now you know Shigure Sohma. Cheated on Ayame with Yuki, hates high school girls, sneaks into Tohru's bath to take pictures, porn reading hentai. **Shigure poofs away.

Q-Q

Shigure: You made me sound so sick!

Me and Kyo: You are sick.

Bob: So many freaks in this world.

Me: Everyone who reviewed gets a cookie.

Kyo: Thank God no glomping!

Me: And you gets to glomp Kyo!

Kyo: NO!

Bob: Who's next?

Me: Umm…I think I'll do Hatori next!

Shigure: Anyone got a mint?

Me: Kyo can you finish beating up Shigure? (Kyobeats Shigure up) Buh-bye everyone!


	5. Hatori

Me: Hallo everyone!

Kyo: (Sleeping)

Bob: Aysel Kyo's sleeping!

Me: Kyo do the disclaimer! (Kyo wakes up)

Kyo: Aysel owns nothing but she wishes she did.

Me: AND ONE DAY I WILL! MUHAHAHAHAHA!

Bob: She needs to get a hobby.

Kyo: She does.

Q-Q

Shigure appears back in his house with Hatori standing five feet away.

"Why are you here Hatori?" Shigure asked.

"I just felt that I should be here." Hatori shrugged. He felt a buzzing in his head and then he heard a voice, "Hatori I'm tired but I gotta do you. So let's make this snappy." A portal opened up next to Hatori and he was sucked inside. Shigure cringed when he saw it because it was an omen in his opinion.

Q-Q

Hatori stares at his surroundings as if trying to analyze it. He eventually just sits down and lights center on him.

**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…**

_Hmm…_

**Hatori Sohma…burns down buildings as a hobby. You need to get a life.**

…

**Hatori Sohma…is secretly a rapper at night. I saw him perform last night. He made my eardrums burst.**

_I don't rap._

**WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!**

_I said-_

**I STILL CAN'T HEAR YOU! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SPEAK LOUDER!**

_I give up. _Sighs

**Hatori Sohma…wants everyone to believe he's over Kana but he actually has three walls covered in pictures of her! And his closet is a shrine to Kana! And he sometimes takes pictures of her when she isn't looking and robs her house! And he steals her food so he can have her DNA! **

_I do not have an obsession with Kana!_

**Really?**

_Yes really._

**Really, really?**

_Yes really, really._

**Really, really, really?**

_Yes really, really, really._

Five hours later…

**Really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, **(Deep breath) **really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, **(Another deep breath) **-**

_I do not have an obsession with Kana. It's that simple._

**Then how do you explain this video!**

Raises an eyebrow.

**Watch it and you'll see!**

Beginning of Video

Random Person's voice coming from behind the camera: (Camera shows a room covered in pictures) This is Hatori Sohma's room!

Dude in front of the camera: That's my line!

R.P.V.C.F.B.T.C: Awww…

D.I.F.O.T.C: This is Hatori Sohma's room! This video will prove that he has an obsession with his ex-girlfriend Kana!

R.P.V.C.F.B.T.C: That poor girl! Wonder if she knows about this?

D.I.F.O.T.C: Notice the three walls behind me… (Camera zooms in to see walls covered in pictures of Britney Spears!) OMG!

R.P.V.C.F.B.T.C: WTF!

End of Video

**WTF! Hatori Sohma…actually hates Kana and used her for his own nasty needs. And he secretly worships Hilary Duff! Err…Britney Spears! Heheheh…**

_I'm leaving. _Gets up leaves through a door to the left with a glowing sign that says 'Exit'.

**Wait, you can't leave!**

_Yes I can. _

**The others couldn't!**

_They were just too dumb to see it._

**Fine I'll just take that out! Now you know Hatori Sohma! Burns down buildings for a hobby, burst my eardrums by rapping, was obsessed over Kana but in the end just used her for his own dirty needs, worships Britney Spears, smarter than the other Sohma's guy.**

Q-Q

Me: Hatori has problems.

Kyo: He almost makes Yuki sound okay.

Bob: But he eats babies.

Me: Oh yeah…

Kyo: I'm bored.

Bob and Me: Me too…

Akito: YOU WILL ALL DIE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Everyone but Akito: …………………(Crickets)

Akito: …

Me: Err…oh yeah! Akito's going next because I want to make fun of him because I hate him!

Bob: Who doesn't hate him?

Akito: Me…

Me: you don't count. Well see yas!


End file.
